Not Very Good

Apparently the archive was somewhat short on things that aren’t ‘objectively’ atrocious, so I’ll add something that is [objectively atrocious] but is also fun to read aloud.  A while ago, raifenna asked for around 500 words on the subject of: “A cat may lead to darker things, but a bird is far too flighty”.  I wrote the following:

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“He’s cute. Can you please take him? Your apartment’s in back and Alice won’t see. He’s cute!”

He’s wiggling like he wants to feed Eve an apple is what he is. Sad, there’s no surprise in meeting my neighbour for the first time after we’ve both lived here six months. Let’s be nice. Ask to hold him and don’t write litterbox-related shoebox-flat space constraints on the face-piece.

“What about for the weekend? Just give him to Andrew when he gets back. He’s in Lennoxville but he’ll be back.”

Not too many questions. Who’s Andrew or Where’s Lennoxville but not both. Probably the former. Maybe this is creepy. Is there a protocol for kitten-offers? Probably; who knows. Who’s creepy? If Andrew is too, does that answer the first question? Creepiness isn’t monic so I’m not necessarily Andrew, even if he’s creepy. Now the bastard’s in the fingers-piece. Oh Ja Ja Ja. He’s wiggling more. I’m not Andrew, but I’m creepy. Creepy people are so creepy even cats can tell. She must know Andrew in Lennoxville isn’t creepy and I bet I can’t even manage a little inconsequential weekend of non-creepitude. Best give him back. Excuse but don’t lie…

“Uh, well actually Jason wanted one of them. Thanks though. I guess I might come back if I can’t get rid of the others. It’s just a weekend. You wouldn’t even have to feed it, I bet. Well, Jason will probably take the others, too. He’s a cat person and Alice likes him anyway. Well, uh, have a good night thanksbye.”

Good not to excuse because there isn’t one and lying is impossible. That poor wiggler would have been in the presence of Creepy McCreepsalot all bloody weekend. No excuse no excuse no excuse but none needed anyway. Did I even say anything the whole time? How much time was the whole time? The little chain is chained like a little Jaforsaken fortress in here. Why? Kind of wanted the cat. Do I look like a cat-killer? Maybe if I had a cat I’d be less creepy. I’m talking to a plant, a cactus. I’d definitely kill a cat. I can only be trusted to care for something once a month. No cats, just cacti. Mojave of human bleeding decency. Go to bed and shut up shut up shut up because the enemy is listening and anything you say will be used against you in the court of public opinion and they can all hear you because Carl Jung hacked into the old self-loop and is broadcasting to her and the world in surround sound, and that Jason got your cat is proof. Go to bed go to bed go to bed and for the sake of all all that’s wholly holy shut up shut up shut up.

Wake up from some clonazepam dreams with the Habitant-head; a fog like pea-soup and low-viscosity pig shit, which are basically the same thing here. The old self-loop at so many Hertz it hurts talking talking speaking no words just talking like an immortal drunk on speed, no relief because the other-loop can’t get a word out, edgewise or otherwise. Talking out the side of the mouth-piece is creepy anyway, so otherwise is the only way and who knows how that works. Don’t jump to conclusions though. Maybe that was creepy, maybe not. There was a cat, and conclusions were jumped to. It was no lion, though. Don’t be chased to conclusions by a little serpent-mewlet thing. Maybe it was creepy; maybe she just can’t make up her mind. Hey, brother, don’t do that to yourself with the cats and the dark little intuitive crevices-leapt-into. She came on a whim and she left on a whim and it’s nothing to do with you, brother. That bird’s just far too flighty.